HOW TRIBAL IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ALCOHOL?

One of the biggest challenges on the journey to alcohol-free living is how to deal with the reactions of drinkers because you left their tribe.

This tribalism metaphor is a great way to describe the sociology and psychology that plays out when someone decides to go alcohol-free and becomes a non-drinker. It’s a great way of explaining what is going on in both the minds of the ex-drinker, who has decided to leave, and the people they used to drink with.

This is all because many alcohol drinkers share several tribal characteristics, including a tendency to associate, identify and bond with other drinkers.

HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY LEAVE THE TRIBE

In early human culture, I would have had to be a member of a tribe to survive. If I was banished from my tribe, I would almost certainly die. Lack of shelter, food and protection from wild beasts would be among the common causes of death.

We still keep with us this fear of leaving tribes to which we belong. Today, however, the difference is that if we leave a tribe, in most cases, we don’t die – we simply go and join another tribe.

When I was a member of the drinking tribe, if another member told me they had decided that drinking was not for them and they were now living an alcohol-free life, my immediate assumption would have been that there must be something wrong with them.

Here are some of the beliefs and opinions that I have heard drinkers say about those who decide to go alcohol-free: they are an alcoholic; they must have a drink problem; they must be religious; they must have a career or a job that does not allow them to drink; it’s just a temporary thing – they’ll be drinking next week or in a month’s time.

The reasons were very rarely based on the reality of what alcohol does to you, like… they stopped because they realised it is: a dangerous drug that kills you; a poison; ruining their sleep; causing them regular anxiety attacks.

If I am truly honest with myself, and with the benefit of being alcohol-free for over a three and half years, I believe I always knew deep down that alcohol was wrong, but I put that thought aside. In the early days when I was young and fit, I could get away with the trade-off between the feeling of being tipsy or drunk versus the payback hangover.

Whichever way I look at it, it was difficult to leave the tribe, but when the physical effects of hangovers, anxiety, sleep disruption and weight gain became too much, I really had to do something about it.

I probably spent 20 years wishing I could stop, but I really didn’t know how to until I discovered alcohol free tribes like One Year No Beer Challenge (OYNB), which kick-started my alcohol-free journey. To leave the drinking tribe, you need to find other people who think similarly. OYNB was that new tribe for me and through it, I had access to online groups of thousands of like-minded people who are changing their relationship with alcohol. There are some really good tribes out there like: Over The Influence; Dryy; Tribe Sober; and Happy Without The Hooch.

TRIBE SOBER

Check out my latest interview with my good friend and  alcohol-free guru Janet Gourand who runs Tribe Sober on the tribalism of drinking alcohol and tips on how you can leave that tribe. Here is the video link https://youtu.be/gTPMkfF9dZE?si=8G-J4xMjWF7vEQlk

You can find the interview on the latest episode of the Tribe Sober podcast on Apple or Spotify or via this https://www.podbean.com/ep/pb-p5zd4-1648d70

HOW TRIBAL IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ALCOHOL?

Ask yourself questions about the tribal characteristics of your relationship with alcohol. Take a guesstimate if you don’t know the exact number. For example:

• What percentage of your friends are drinkers/non-drinkers?
• What percentage of your family are drinkers/non-drinkers?
• What percentage of people that you have contact with in your work environment are drinkers/non-drinkers?
• Overall, what percentage of everyone you know are drinkers/non-drinkers?
• Have you ever felt pressure to drink from friends, family, colleagues?
• If you stopped drinking, would you feel comfortable telling others, for example, your friends, family, colleagues? If not, why not?
• Are there any particular people you would not tell if you stopped drinking, and why?
• Are there any particular people you know would support you if you stopped drinking, and why?
• What do you think about people who have stopped drinking?

By doing this, you build up a picture of the people around you who drink and the influence they exert or may exert on you.

My book, Walking Back To Happiness: The Secret To Alcohol-Free Living & Well-Being shows you how I changed my story and found happiness and well-being and how you can to. Packed with over 70 exercises or steps you can take to improve your well-being and happiness, it’s a blueprint of how to live your best life! https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nigel-Jones/e/B0B7RP6LH6/

HAVE A GREAT DAY…

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