BEWARE THE MIRAGE OF MODERATION

If you’ve made it this far through Sober October, you may have started thinking about what happens when the month ends.

Do I go back to drinking? Do I drink less? Could I become one of those people who just has one or two and then stops?

It is a question many of us think about a lot when we stop drinking.

WHAT IS THE MIRAGE OF MODERATION?

When people take a break from alcohol, something interesting can happen. As time passes, the difficult parts of drinking can begin to fade from memory. Instead, we start remembering the good bits.

The first cold beer on a summer evening. A glass of wine with dinner. Laughing with friends. Holidays. Parties. Celebrations.

And we begin telling ourselves a story. Maybe this time I could take it or leave it. Maybe I could just drink at weekends. Maybe I could stop after two. Maybe I’ve learned enough now to become a moderate drinker.

That is what I call the mirage of moderation. From a distance, it can look incredibly attractive. And two weeks off the booze is a distance between now and when  you last had a drink.

A mirage only looks real precisely because you cannot see the whole picture.

LOOKING THROUGH THE WINDOW

Imagine walking down a street on a cold evening. You pass a house with the lights on and there is a party going on inside. From the pavement it looks wonderful.

You can see people laughing. Music is playing. People are dancing, talking, relaxing and enjoying themselves. You are looking through the window from the outside, and everything seems warm, sociable and inviting. That can be how we remember alcohol.

But imagine opening the door and walking into the room. Now you can hear the conversations properly.

Some people are repeating the same stories they told half an hour ago. Someone is talking too loudly. Someone else is slurring their words. Another person has become anxious or argumentative. Tomorrow morning, some of those people will wake up tired, dehydrated, anxious and wondering exactly what they said or did the night before.

You could not see any of that from the pavement! From outside, you were looking through what I think of as the romantic glasses of alcohol. You were seeing the party you wanted to see.

That is the mirage.

LISTEN TO MY AUDIO CHAPTER ON MODERATION FREE

The Mirage of Moderation, is the subject of a chapter of my book, Walking Back to Happiness – The Secret to Alcohol-Free Living & Well-Being

For Sober October, I’m making the full audiobook chapter available to listen to free.

LISTEN FREE: CHAPTER 22 — THE MIRAGE OF MODERATION
https://www.9kmby9am.com/books/free-audio-chapters/

You can also listen to the previously released chapters The Habit Loop and Cravings & Willpower on the same page.

CAN YOU REALLY GO BACK TO MODERATION?

In my own experience: I’ve never met anyone who had control issues with alcohol who then became able to moderate.

That is not a scientific claim about everybody who has ever drunk alcohol. It is my personal observation from my own experience, the people I have met and the conversations I have had since becoming alcohol-free and coaching hundreds of people.

It raises an important question. If alcohol was difficult to control before you stopped drinking, what has fundamentally changed that means it will suddenly be easy to control now?

For me, moderation had always sounded attractive because it appeared to offer the best of both worlds.

I could keep all the things I believed I enjoyed about drinking while somehow removing the consequences I did not enjoy.

But that was exactly the problem. I was remembering an idealised version of alcohol rather than my actual relationship with it.

REMEMBER THE WHOLE STORY

If you’re doing Sober October and find yourself romanticising the idea of drinking again, try remembering the whole story rather than just the first drink.

Don’t stop the mental movie at the glass of wine in the sunshine. Run it forward.

What usually happened after that first drink? Did one become two? Did two become three? How did you sleep? How did you feel the following morning? What happened to your energy, mood, anxiety or motivation? And how often did you wake up thinking that you wished you had stopped earlier?

The point is not to frighten yourself or tell yourself that alcohol is terrible. It is simply to make sure you are remembering reality rather than a carefully edited highlight reel.

THREE QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF

If moderation is starting to look attractive again, ask yourself:

• Am I remembering alcohol as it really was, or as I would like it to have been?
• If I struggled to control my drinking before, what has genuinely changed?
• What am I afraid I will miss if I decide not to go back?

Those questions can tell you a lot. Because sometimes what we think we miss is not actually alcohol. It is relaxation. Connection. Celebration. Confidence. Escape. Belonging. And those things do not belong exclusively to alcohol.

FREE SOBER OCTOBER RESOURCES

I’ve also created a dedicated Sober October Resources page with a free printable 31-Day Calendar, practical tips, free audiobook chapters and additional support to help you through the month.

SOBER OCTOBER RESOURCES
https://www.9kmby9am.com/coaching/soberoctober/

MY SIXTH SOBER OCTOBER

This is my sixth October alcohol-free, having stopped drinking in December 2020.

As a Community Champion for Alcohol Change UK, I’ve also created a Walking Back to Happiness Sober October team.

And remember, it is never too late to take on the Sober October challenge.

You can join the Walking Back to Happiness Sober October team for Alcohol Change UK here:

JOIN THE WALKING BACK TO HAPPINESS SOBER OCTOBER TEAM OR DONATE

https://www.soberoctober.org.uk/teams/walking-back-to-happiness

WALKING BACK TO HAPPINESS

Walking Back to Happiness – The Secret to Alcohol-Free Living & Well-Being is based on my own experience of changing a 35-year relationship with alcohol.

The book explores why we drink, the habits and beliefs that can keep alcohol in place, cravings and willpower, moderation, mindfulness, exercise, purpose and what can happen when alcohol stops being such an important part of life.

The complete unabridged audiobook is now available on Spotify, Audible and across major audiobook and library platforms.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY
https://open.spotify.com/show/0ZexsLV4yWY6hMwhCiDN1E

AUDIOBOOKS
https://www.9kmby9am.com/books/audiobooks/

The book is also available in paperback, hardback and Kindle.

ALCOHOL-FREE COACHING

Alongside Walking Back to Happiness, I work one-to-one with people who want to change their relationship with alcohol and become alcohol-free.

My coaching combines life coaching, NLP, hypnotherapy and practical behaviour-change techniques, focusing on the habits, beliefs and patterns that can keep alcohol in place.

I also offer a structured 28-day Alcohol-Free Coaching Programme, with four one-to-one sessions designed to help people understand what is driving their drinking, manage cravings and triggers, change their thinking around alcohol and build a sustainable alcohol-free future. Coaching is available online and face-to-face.

Find out more about Alcohol-Free Coaching:
https://www.9kmby9am.com/coaching/alcohol-free-coaching/

If you think you may be physically dependent on alcohol, suddenly stopping can be dangerous. Speak to your GP or an appropriate alcohol service for advice about reducing or stopping safely.

ABOUT THE BOOK

Walking Back to Happiness is based on Nigel’s own experience of changing a 35-year relationship with alcohol. The book explores why we drink, the habits and beliefs that keep us drinking, cravings and willpower, moderation, mindfulness, exercise, purpose and what can happen when alcohol stops being such an important part of life.

Set out as a step-by-step journey from day one through the first weeks, months, one year and beyond, the book is designed to help readers and listeners understand their relationship with alcohol and make lasting changes.

Walking Back to Happiness – The Secret to Alcohol-Free Living & Well-Being is available in audiobook, paperback, hardback, Kindle and eBook formats.

ABOUT NIGEL JONES

Nigel Jones is a coach, registered hypnotherapist, NLP professional and author of Walking Back to Happiness – The Secret to Alcohol-Free Living & Well-Being.

He has been alcohol-free since December 2020 and is a Community Champion for Alcohol Change UK. His work focuses on helping people change their relationship with alcohol, understand the habits and beliefs that can keep drinking in place and build a sustainable alcohol-free future.

LINKS

Website — https://www.9kmby9am.com/
Email — nigel@9kmby9am.com
Coaching — https://www.9kmby9am.com/coaching/
Alcohol-Free Coaching — https://www.9kmby9am.com/coaching/alcohol-free-coaching/
Testimonials — https://www.9kmby9am.com/coaching/coaching-testimonials/
Newsletter — https://www.9kmby9am.com/latest-news/newsletter/
Free Audio Chapters — https://www.9kmby9am.com/books/free-audio-chapters/
Sober October Resources — https://www.9kmby9am.com/coaching/soberoctober/
Sober October Team — https://www.soberoctober.org.uk/teams/walking-back-to-happiness
Spotify — https://open.spotify.com/show/0ZexsLV4yWY6hMwhCiDN1E

#SoberOctober #AlcoholFree #WalkingBackToHappiness #AlcoholChangeUK #Moderation #SoberCurious #9KMby9AM